Some closure.

#1
Hey guys.

An old friend here. Not sure how many of you still remember me, or if anyone even does anymore. I don't know if any of you old farts are still around, but well, I figure I'd get something off my chest and offer a little closure to those who were probably wondering about me or my state. Well, hang in tight, because it's going to be a long journey.

Back when I first joined CryDev (Formerly Crymod and the Crysis modding community) I was pretty young but ambitions. I knew how to make simple things and I found the whole idea of modding a game really cool. I was only about 8 or 9 at that time, and things came and went at that age, as the good and bad did. I admit I made a lot of mistakes in this journey of my life. Fast forward a couple of years. I've been bullied relentlessly at school because of how I look. One day, stupidly, I decided to joke to my friends that I was going to shoot up the whole school with an M4 that I got from the dark web, and showed a picture of it to the group in my class. Welp, someone nearby overheard it and didn't think it was so funny. Later I would be taken as SWAT and dozens of cops would descend on the school and hallways like bugs on shit. And because my story wasn't so good and I had been through a lot, they decided to arrest me and charge me with felony terrorist threat making and conspiracy to possess a machinegun, as well as conspiracy to commit homicide. Those years of my life weren't the best. I lost a lot of my life due to that. And when I would emerge again, things wouldn't be the same for me. I'd had lost friends, family, people passed away. People moved away. My best friend didn't even see me anymore. A lot of shit has happened to me since then. But I think one of the greatest things has been when I was recommended to try going to the gym just to feel good. Honestly the whole thing intimidated me at first, but over time I started to become more involved, and began lifting weights and eventually benchpressing. I figured if I'm going to be bullied again, at least the next time I see them I'll be in shape.

I did see some people from the past from time to time, it was mostly shy "Hi"s and "How you been?"s. But nothing really close or intimate since. I've been working on myself since then and a lot of things have happened between that time. I'm in my early 20's now and just now heard about Crysis 1 being remastered, reminded me of my younger days on Crymod and when I made mods for Crysis (which I actually miss!) which was quite fun when I was a kid. In all honesty, I feel a lot better and more confident about myself now than ever before thanks to exercising and gaining muscle. And while I'm no bodybuilder, I can confidently say that I'm looking (and feeling) a lot more healthy now than I was before, hell I could probably take someone on. And well, I don't know how to end this off, but I honestly want to say that I hope this story can inspire someone in similar shoes to mine. Don't give up, just get up, and build yourself up over time. It doesn't have to be tomorrow. It doesn't have to be this month. But over time, if you follow a line of commitment and stick to a plan, you can end up achieving something great with yourself. Life hasn't been the nicest to me and it probably never will be, but I've grown a lot in the past 10 years and its shaped me to be who I am today.

God bless you glorious guys, and see you on the other side. --MMoD
See you guys at the LZ.

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